Trying to hold on

“This is meant to be.”

That’s what people keep telling me. That’s what I keep telling myself.

But, it’s so hard to believe that every day and every moment, especially when I am not quite sure where even the path is to find whatever is meant to be.

For less that 24 hours, I thought it was Naimiba. But it wasn’t.

Then I thought it may be this job I recently applied for and had my heart set on. But it wasn’t.

I want to believe that maybe it’s another Peace Corps site but I am afraid of having my heart broken again. I just want to find my purpose in this world. Something that I can be good and do good with. I have no idea what or where that is or if I can even do it, but I just to want to believe it exists.

I suppose that I didn’t go to Namibia or get that job because I still need to search. I just I wish I knew where to start.

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4 thoughts on “Trying to hold on

  1. Sweetie, I’m almost 52 and still don’t know my purpose in life. At the end of last September, my husband was laid off and is still out of work, on October 7th my beautiful daughter, Stephanie, died, and then at the end of October I had to have a hysterectomy. Believe me when I say I know how you feel.

    I just keep praying that God will show me what he wants me to learn from all of these struggles. My prayers are and will always be with you.

  2. For my own sanity, I prefer to focus on what is rather than what is meant to be. If I worry about destiny or where I’m supposed to be, well it gets too mind boggling to keep track of. From time to time I wonder and examine where I’m going, but mostly I focus on what I’m doing. Wherever you go, that’s where you’ll be. Purpose and meaning are created each day by what you do. One doesn’t just intuitively fall into a certain slot and suddenly have purpose. Your path is where you go, where you make it, not a serendipitous thread to be followed.
    Maybe a bit pessimistic, but those are my thoughts.

  3. Kathy, thank you for constantly supporting me and know that I pray for you and your family daily.

    Roxy, I am glad you are in my life.

    Ethan, that is a really great perspective, one I don’t think of very much. I really do need to stop focusing on the future and just be in the moment. I think I put to much hope into that serendipitous thread (I like that phrasing) that I am often disappointed. You are right, I just need to live.

Discsuss, please

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