It’s the end of July and I am trying to reflect on the month that was.
At so many moments, I felt being here was not only right but a union of every moment before this one to bring me to this exact spot as if something big is going to happen, the something that put me to sleep during dark hours. I said yes to new adventures, tried to break bad habits and just smiled at the simplicity of this life.
At the beginning of the month, I was hopelessly in love with Lesotho. I was making new friends and memories each day. I was proud of my work in the village and thought I was being “ a good volunteer.” I felt strong connections to other volunteers and content in this new life I’ve built.
But with the month gone, all of that seems reversed. My thoughts are lingering to home as I miss out on family vacations and celebrating my friends’ new adventures. I feel alone and am operating on the last piece of optimism that I have.
I guess that is why I started this whole Year of Presence project in the first place. They are times when all is right in the world and others when my head can’t stop running, but if I hold on long enough through the tough moments something spectacular, albeit small, will bring back the sunshine and rainbows.
I am happy in Lesotho, but that doesn’t mean each moment is good. There are struggles and tears.
And the present is good escape. When the world seems against me, I can stop, breathe in the mountain air and watch a child playing in the dirt. Slowly, I am learning to tune out the anxiety of things beyond my control and give into what I don’t know.
When I learn to be in the moment, life doesn’t seem so hard, even manageable. It’s something I need to remind myself for the upcoming months and challenges, but I know now I have the resources to trump frustrations, doubt, fear and loneliness. I must be present.