On the way home from the post office today, I noticed how much I like my outfit. Although trivial and far from 5th Avenue (hiking pants, base layer top and Chacos), to me, these pieces represented a lifestyle that I wanted. Active. Carefree. Adventurous.
I stopped climbing the hill and looked behind me. The clouds perfectly topped Machache Mountain and the bright blue sky accentuated the beauty of this land structures. It was breath taking.
Then, I realized what a great day I had had. What if, I thought, I’ve finally achieved that life I wanted? Is that the reason for my days-long bender of happiness?
What happened today that made it so great? I woke up and, while looking in the mirror about to say, “Ugh,” I stopped and instead said, “You are beautiful.”
While recounting dreams from the slumber, which include the faces former romances and wanna-be lovers, I decided that it would be nice to give my heart to someone, but I am really digging loving myself right now. That’s the relationship that needs my focus.
I went for a great run. I felt empowered and motivated. I reached that ecstasy-like state, where it no longer feels like I am running. I am flying. The runs for force and exhaustion seemed like a dream, they couldn’t be possible when running feels like this.
Back at school, there was an SMS with good news about a proposal I wrote. I was excited and reassured.
Someone asked me for advice, and instead of dancing around the answer to save hurt feelings, I was honest.
During another conversation, I mentioned to someone something that I wanted. My companion said to ask for it. In an unprecedented move, I did, with the full belief that it doesn’t hurt to ask.
Before leaving for the post office, I sat down and did an activity that I’ve in the past put off for one excuse or another. 20 minutes of focus and I was done.
On the way to the post office, instead of allowing my irritation to show over the thousand greetings and inquires about where exactly am I going, I smiled and answered as politely as I can.
When I made a silly mistake, I didn’t berate myself. “It’ll be fine,” I said.
Focus. Self-love. Patience. Passion in my activities. Kindness. Courage. Calmness. Ease. These are all things I’ve been working on and they sort of just came together for an awesome day.
It occurred to me that maybe I am not happy because I have the life I want, but because I want the life I have.
Although I am working on it, that may be a little too zen for me. But I am getting better at enjoying what is around me instead of feeling bad about what I don’t have.
Every day won’t be like this one. Not even a week ago, I had a break down over the phone with my mom. Life is not pretty, it’s messy. It will never always be good. Sometimes it will be hard and I must take all the colors, accept them and live with it. I do not need to wallow in pain each time life doesn’t go my way or is a bit hard. I understand that more every day.