Growth

There are times when life doesn’t feel right.

A cloud hangs over and you have a hard time doing the easy things, the to do-lists and the things you enjoy. Every situation is met with a “meh” attitude, therefore produces “meh” experiences.

When you hit those times, you have to figure out ways to get out of them. Typically, I am good at extending those times and letting misery be my new song. So, when I hit an off week, I knew I needed to find ways out of it.

My usual morning pep talks and meditative runs were not helping, so I simply asked myself what I needed and decided to get it.

It turns out, what I needed was time with friends. I have felt disconnected from my friends here and at home and needed to be social and to interact with people dear to me.  Since I can’t do that with my loved ones at home, I needed time with other PCVs and, a few BBMs later, I had a solid weekend planned. I jumped in a pool for the first time in a year, ate lots of food that is bad for me, danced to not-so-good house music and laughed with some of my closest friends in country. It brought me out of my funk, just like I had hoped it would. Even my mother commented on my attitude difference from one Sunday to the next.

What is amazing about this is not that I had a good weekend, but that I am finally understanding myself enough to know when I need something and then shedding guilt in order to give it. Yes, I know that my primary reason for coming to Lesotho was not to hang out at fancy hotels with other Americans, but it is more than OK if I need that every once and awhile. It is OK to eat slightly expensive pizza and lick frosting from a bowl. It is OK to make up crazy moves on the dance floor and wear a flower in my hair. It is OK to spend time with people who make me smile.

One of the major aspects of this experience is the emotional and mental change. I am learning to treat myself better, even like me. And that is why it is a major accomplishment that I could give myself a weekend pass and not feel bad about it. Actually, that is huge. Not only did I have a great weekend, I am seeing some growth and they are both enough to wipe away the “meh.”

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