Here and now

Why are my blessings burdens?

Why do I treat the people I love with anger and annoyance?

Why can’t I put faith in the tried and true?

Life is scary. It will never not be scary and there is nothing I can do to make it less so. I hit such great strides of faith and reassurance in Lesotho but now the person I was feels like a stranger. Things are working towards my benefit but I feel like I put up a fight because I am just so damn scared that things are working in my benefit. I hate how I’ve acted in the last week. I have how I’ve pushed people away. I don’t know how to leap with a carefree attitude.

But I want to.

I want to love the heck out of the people I am leaving. I want to make memories here and now. I want to be brave and fearless. I am tired of making this world about me and my woes. I want to be loving and gracious. I just want to be that person I know that I can be.

I have to be that person.


One thought on “Here and now

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