It had been another tough day.
Applications, postings and cover letters fluttering in and out. My job search was still quite new but I felt that I was not getting anywhere. How foolish I had been to think that I could just apply to jobs around the country and the perfect one would magically appear. I am not sure how many applications I had sent out that day, but I do know that I found a few mistakes after I had sent them and that caused a tailspin of negative thoughts.
All I want is a sign that I am in the right direction, I prayed to God as I began a chilly January walk with Cuddy. It wasn’t long later that my phone beeped with an email. A request for an interview and, not an hour later, another email of the same nature came. One of those, naturally, was from NASPA, my now employer.
Many times in my life, when I have felt lonely or lost, I ask God for some kind of reassurance that I am indeed on the path he set before me. Sometimes I don’t have faith in myself to steer in the right direction and I get caught up in making mistakes.
My day is plagued with lots of doubt and it is an absolute crummy way to spend a gift. Although I am working on having that blind faith that we are called to have – whether it’s in the divine or simply that life will work out – I am trying to find that reassurance in the littlest of moments.
The man who runs after a woman in the metro to hand her her dropped watch. The two men, in full construction attire, playfully racing from one orange cone to another. The woman who has no other business in the metro but to wish people a wonderful day. These moments fill me with love, the desire to be a better person and the faith that whatever I truly need is what I have at that second.
On that January day, I assumed that I wouldn’t get any of the jobs that had offered interviews. This was likely the beginning and the search would continue to last for months, but I was OK with that at the moment. The glorious setting sun as Cuddy led me through slushy streets was the proof of faith. These flashes of reassurance come to me in the person who is willing to call old friends to find me a new place to live or the friend that answers my call after a very unfulfilling date.
These moments play when we need them and it’s up to us to watch for them. There is so much love and joy in this world and I want to learn to see that more than the fear and doubt. Because when I do, when I find hope in little things, then I find my path. It’s not always what I want, but it’s what I need, in that moment.